In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an. | 1001 Bài thuốc dân gian việt nam chữa bách bệnh

First you can read the essay, and soon after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered while the sentence within the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
  • Tips on how to link ideas smoothly

At the present time, the people of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, weighed against the sheer number of the elderly. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with additional young adults than old people. Even this particular fact might have both benefits and drawbacks, In my opinion the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the pros and cons giving examples to support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people could lead to deficiencies in professionals in the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to the young one, this will be being why they have had more time to study a career that is professional their lives. For example, to be a professional physician it is needed at the least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life as well as may be more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher rate of crime, this may be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile showed that into the south of Chile, in which the population is certainly caused by young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than when you look at the north where almost all of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more energetic and more happy. This might be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this specific they are able to donate to the economy of the country, making money in the place of spending. By way of example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of income in health due to their old citizens. Another positive part of having adult that is young is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than old people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs old. With old people there is no time to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be since they’re more proactive in organize those activities and also very likely to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. And even though, there are a few positive areas of having a mature population
that individuals should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with more young people than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact might have both advantages and disadvantages, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Try to vary your usage of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to deficiencies in professionals into the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to young one, this can be being why LR2 that is( they have had more hours to review a professional career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become a specialist physician it is needed at least 10 years of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a young adult yet (GR3). www.edubirdies.org/ In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) in addition they may be much more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher level of crime, this could be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that when you look at the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than in the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – the right phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce a good example.
TR4 – Good to include an illustration to aid your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to make use of examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – as well as the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more active and much more happy. This can be because (CC5) they have less old illness that is age-associated them to focus more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact healthy people can work more proficiently, using this they are able to contribute to the economy for the country, earning profits rather than spending (GR4) . By way of example, it is a fact that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health because of their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive facet of having young adult populations is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and be an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there is no time to start a sport career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and also prone to take part in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

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